Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
