you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
