Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to make out with him forever
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
