She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
