I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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