Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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