Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
