just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Shame - the story of my life.
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