Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
