Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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