She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
