Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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