I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
