Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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