I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
