I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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