working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
