i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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