dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
