the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
