I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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