he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
