So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
