He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
