i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
