we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
