i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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