He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
