Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
