If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i need some magic done to my vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
