I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
