Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
