Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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