Whod you bang
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
