There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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