just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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