I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
