I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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