Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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