If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
