Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
