Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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