I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
