someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
