I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
