Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Acid is not a monday night drug
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
