Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
