come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
