lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
