I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
