I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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